Investment opportunity: Youtube channel partnership

Hi creatorservices@studio71us,

We’re done with the games, this pitch is your last chance. We’ve seen your site, +1800 channel partnerships, 13B total monthly views, it’s all quite impressive, but it doesn’t compare to our offer. I hope you’re ready for the best, baddest, and longest Youtube channel idea you’ve ever heard. Straight from the horse’s mouth.

Ok, so you know those classic nostalgic Youtube videos that everyone loves so much? And you know how they don’t make them anymore? Well, we’re going to. In this partnership, we’ll combine our creative energy, with your money, and your experience, and your connections, and your directing, and your personnel, and your ground-transportation infrastructure, and your real-world talent – and together, we can Make It Happen! Paul, Jon, and creatorservices@studio71us.com.

You probably remember us from last year’s viral hit “I investigated the top 10 Pilates Lessons (mind blown)”. It was pretty cash. Unfortunately though, you might’ve missed our latest project, “Stealth Camping in our old Elementary School” (pts. 1-3). Honestly, the series was actually very good – but lowkey, in the public eye, it flopped-sack. I guess we’re ahead of our time, or something.

The good news is that we finally figured out what really went wrong. Straight from the horse’s mouth. Basically, Youtube is drying up fast, and small mom ‘n pop creators can’t keep up anymore. But the horse in question showed us the smoking gun: an unstoppable flood of new content, all of it female-generated. Today’s women are pretty much superhuman at content, and every day their capabilities grow better, funnier, smarter, and faster. Honestly, Youtube is in peril. They’re all over my algorithm – so they’ve probably hacked the computers too. Women are becoming scary levels of smart, and I don’t know what place we have in their future. I’ve seen Sylvia immediately read out-loud from any page; no mistakes, first time. Straight from the horse’s mouth. It’s getting crazy.

It’s hard to overstate how much our channel means to us. Financially, we could have been living the good life (Buzzballz early investors). Instead, we put everything we have into Youtube, because we knew it was the right thing to do – the only thing to do. We may not be the most professional dogs in the fight, but what we lack in dogfighting experience, we make up for with grit. We’re not just gonna walk away as women like Sylvia rob our dreams.

Wait, we haven’t even told you about Sylvia! She’s basically the reason why we’re writing to you. She just got promoted at our work, and now she’s our boss. A long time ago Paul asked her “what’s crackin, cupcake” and she tattled to HR. Now that she has power, she keeps sending us on these long humiliation rituals, just so that we look like idiots. “Mail these letters”, “call these phone numbers”, and then she yells at us when we screw it up. Hopefully, this content partnership will free us from her grip. Win-win.

I won’t lie, our challenge is huge, and I’m not sure I’m Him enough to defeat it. What we see in Sylvia can’t be unseen, a women’s takeover is imminent. The weight of the world is the weight on my shoulders, and it’s dragging all our hopes to the ground. Day-by-day, the color of life has taken on a new tint. I’d say it’s pink, but Paul thinks there’s some orange mixed in too. Which I guess would be like salmon or something. And honestly, what if he’s right? The world might be turning salmon. Damn, that’s crazy when you actually think about it.

Alright, pitch time! It’s a series of videos – sorta like “Will it Microwave?” or “Hydraulic Press” – but one that Youtube will never forget. Think to yourself: what’s the most never-forgettable thing of all time? It’s gonna be just like that. To figure out the perfect theme, we’ve been crunching the numbers, and we noticed something mysterious: 243, 78, and 88919 keep recurring all over the place – like in my life and cholesterol. I’m definitely excited about what these could mean, we just gotta use ‘em right.

We’re thinking a “versus” series:

• $78 car vs $88919 car
• 78 chinese guys vs 88919 rice
• 78lb child driver vs 88919lb semi-truck

We can’t tell you about episodes 4 and 5 until we meet in-person, since negotiation is about eye contact. Also, we kindly request a woman advisor for our side of the deal.

Thanx & smash that reply button,

Paul and Jon